I began this year as a full-time employee for the parent company of America’s flagship PBS station with a great team and a fabulous boss. I laughed heartily with my colleagues, loved learning the television industry, and I was enthralled as a core member of the team that launched the company’s first free ad-supported streaming television (FAST) channel. In short, I had a great job, but there was a hollow pit in my gut that kept me from being fulfilled.
When I began learning the concepts undergirding adult learning and behavior change at Columbia in 2018 I was hooked and hungry to absorb as much information as I could. Once I started applying what I had learned in practice, the joy of helping people get unstuck and achieving previously elusive goals was soul-filling, and I felt that I had found my vocation.
Life events happened and the pandemic meant that my daughter’s au pair had to return to France, so I stopped working to proctor first grade and try to build a business when I wasn’t parenting or ensuring my daughter had her camera on for school. I was able to generate some revenue, but that year under those circumstances was not enough runway for me to build a sustainable practice, so I needed to find full-time work, which led me to my wonderful experience at The WNET Group.
My turning point this year was when I changed my primary care physician from someone in the city to someone close to my home because I neither lived in the city anymore nor commuted in for work very often. During my physical, he asked me if I’d ever had an anal Pap smear to which I replied I hadn’t, but that I was willing to do one.
Because we did this screening, we were able to see that I had abnormal cells. After surgery in April, two biopsies showed that I have high-grade anal squamous intraepithelial lesions (HSIL), or high-grade anal intraepithelial neoplasia (AIN III), or Stage 0 anal cancer. This month, three more biopsies showed three recurrent HSIL lesions.
So, why am I grateful?
I’m grateful because my doctor had the good sense to do a preventative medical screening that caught something early while it’s easier to treat and manage. I’m grateful because my husband has supported me physically and emotionally during this process. I’m grateful because this disease spurred me to realize that time is a limited resource and that if I wanted to leave this realm with no regrets and model behavior that I preach to my daughter, then I needed to determine how I could structure my workdays so that I could go back to school to further study what I’m passionate about while also doing meaningful work and supporting my family. I’m grateful because an amazing human showed up in my life at precisely the right time with an opportunity that would allow me to pursue my doctorate, continue to build my business, and meet my financial obligations to my family. I’m also grateful because since I’m a graduate student again, I have access to my school’s library and have done a deep dive on my rare (although increasing at a rate of roughly 2% per year) cancer.
This past year has been one of intense challenges, which have turbo-charged both my personal growth and that of Breakthrough. For that, I could not be more grateful.